It's getting warmer in Los Angeles (which makes me miss, somewhat, the chilly mornings when I had to wake up at 6 to attend Zoom University — how masochistic of me). Summer is coming, the best batch of loquat is ready for picking, the six-feet-apart-crosses-marked line at Costco, well, probably hasn't shrunk but subconsciously seems shorter. After all, it's not just you and me who are not going anywhere: "no one's going anywhere," and as Lana famously said: "the culture is lit."
There was not a single soul in the station, so instead of waiting on the empty, eerie platform for the N train which never came, I dragged my suitcases up the stairs into the rain. It was cold. I was alone. My bags were drenched. But I enjoyed having the streets to myself — it felt regal, and I liked how the lights were blurred by downpour, then reflected by puddles, then shattered by droplets hitting the surface. Light On reminds me of the rain that night.
The truth is, a lot of times, people don’t see you for who you are, rather, they see you for who they need you to be. Consequently, masking yourself in protective veneers is not going to be bothersome for other people as it would be for you: they don’t have the time nor the effort to discover the real you. Other people may never know that I was introverted, or that I loathed socialization— I was the one under pressure. You cannot decide what other people think of you, or what they see in you, but you can change how you act. It is our own responsibility to lead a genuine life, to be earnest.
So don't become discouraged when the suffocating reality comes crashing down. Sometimes dreams are broken to make space for new ones. They represent a direction, but they’re not always the destination. Perhaps we don’t grow toward them, or for them. We grow to exceed them. Maybe we’re not quite ready for them today, but I know we’ll be ready someday. If we don’t get there, we’ll get somewhere. And I hope that the belief in someday, the dream of somewhere, will be our solace in midst of the ceaseless cluelessness of life.